In Jiang Xiaoya’s eyes, Jiang Ze, aside from a mother’s thoughtfulness, also had an awkward kind of gentleness. But she had never seen it reveal a side that was controlling, greedy, and wild. Even so, she had always felt that its aggressiveness was mild and restrained. Yet on this night, she saw Jiang Ze like a raging storm—dangerous and irresistibly captivating.
It liked kissing her very much, because a monster’s desire, in a certain sense, is born from appetite. It liked to kiss from her calves up to her waist, satisfying the stomach that burned with pain from hunger and longing for her. It stroked her calves, dragged her into its arms. It held her waist, taking even more, going further than before.
She had seen a dejected Jiang Ze, but had never seen a Jiang Ze with a hoarse, alluring voice, out of control and unable to restrain its breathing. The youth’s green eyes would turn into dangerous vertical pupils like those of a giant snake, and it would bite her ear again and again, calling her baby.
It was so tall. In the past, Jiang Xiaoya had only thought that embrace was wide enough for her to roll around in. Now she finally knew that some large size differences were not only shown in how it could easily lift her with one hand, but also in those hands veined with faint blue, hands that could casually pin her waist. Its breathing was heavy, its overly low body temperature pressed against her back. But what was even stranger was that, despite its temperature being so low, she felt a burning heat that seemed to melt her.
Xiaoya, baby, I love you.
Do you love me?
She heard the youth’s heavy breathing close to her ear, wanted to answer, but was immediately swallowed by a fierce, torrential kiss.
The youth was inexperienced and a little clumsy. Though it looked tall and ferocious, it was not reckless. Perhaps it was not so at ease, but it was still very moving. It would reach out with unsteady breath, asking her not to look at it.
She felt a little regret. It was very good at taking care of her needs. Jiang Ze understood every one of her little habits, every scar on her body. Even whatever bad ideas she was plotting in her head, it knew them all clearly. Falling in love with someone who understood you as thoroughly as they understood themselves was a painful yet joyful thing. It would give you just the right amount of tenderness, and could also precisely grasp your boundaries and the limits of your endurance.
The little dog regretted it. She only needed a little, yet it gave her a violent storm. But after she said it out loud, the ever-obedient Jiang Ze did not stop.
Stop? Mm, baby, sorry.
───♡───
In the early morning, she wore its tank top and nestled in the youth’s arms. That day, there was a very beautiful sunrise, passing through the lily-leaf window screens of the house and spilling over their bodies.
The youth, a little embarrassed and guilty, rubbed open the bruises on her legs for her.
Exposing one’s desire was a strange experience. It had thought she would be afraid, timid, but she wasn’t—she just kicked it, complained a couple of times, and then went to watch TV. At first, she was a bit regretful, and still a bit scared. But it was Daya—what was there for her to be afraid of?
Just like how your left hand would never be afraid of your right hand.
In the end, it was left sitting in place holding the ointment, instead looking like a chaste young man who had lost his purity and couldn’t come back to his senses.
Getting used to holding hands without shrinking back; getting used to morning kisses without stiffening into a big rock; getting used to kissing her, no longer instinctively covering her eyes.
The youth always said: Don’t look—
But Jiang Xiaoya would always bump her forehead against its, nose tip to nose tip, and say: I insist on looking.
For Jiang Ze, what it liked most were her earlobes, and the hurried breathing when she called it Jiang Ze. If it could make her say that she liked Jiang Ze the most, loved Jiang Ze the most, then that was the moment it thought she was the cutest.
For the little dog, she liked hearing its heavy breathing by her ear, uncontrollably calling her baby over and over again. She thought that was Jiang Ze’s sexiest moment. The same went for its rolling Adam’s apple. When the youth wore a tank top and drank water, she would find it extremely sexy, always wanting to take a bite.
Because she couldn’t restrain herself. It always had to warn her not to do that.
However, every patient person knows that if you tell a little beagle not to do something, she will definitely do it.
It seemed that this summer was exceptionally fervent. From childhood to now, the one who was always willing to accept reality and new things had been Xiaoya. It looked as though Daya had raised her, yet wasn’t it also Xiaoya who had been pulling Daya along to blend into this world, to experience all the passion and freshness of life?
Every day, they would go out together holding hands to buy groceries, then bring them back to feed Ah Hua with pasture grass. Jiang Ze would also learn to go out like an ordinary couple to watch movies with her. The films were still old ones from before the apocalypse, but on the way home after watching, they would often see fireworks being set off above the great clock of Haisha City. Just like when she was little, Jiang Xiaoya sat on Jiang Ze’s shoulders, and could see past the sea of heads to the vast, entire stretch of sky.
She rummaged through the flea market and brought back an old record player that could still work, along with a surviving vinyl record. Under the little dog’s guidance, Jiang Ze clumsily learned how to dance. The tall body perhaps wasn’t that well coordinated, and she always laughed at it. But because her laughter was too beautiful, it was happy to make a fool of itself in front of her.
Whenever she saw the focused look in the youth’s eyes, she could no longer laugh—because she saw herself in them, turning into flowers blooming on the stars. Perhaps even a genuine kiss was not as moving as this moment. The little dog felt shy, turned her head away, said it was too hot, and took the chance to hurry off.
Still, even though it couldn’t learn well, it would catch her, hold Xiaoya, and spin rapidly in circles around the room. Laughter never ceased.
The days in Haisha City were calm and happy.
The monster from the swamp was born loving danger. It loved diving deep beneath the water, until it felt suffocation, then slowly, like seaweed, being washed back up by the waves. In the past, it would not have taken Jiang Xiaoya to experience these things. It was a guardian and needed to appear steady. But now it was Jiang Ze, and needed to please Xiaoya. So it would even clean up the nearby sea areas and the rivers flowing into the sea in advance, just to specially take her snorkeling once.
Jiang Xiaoya, who had always been treated like a little kid, was taken by Daya to play in the sea for the first time. She was very curious about its hobby. However, when it held her and, like a sharp water arrow, plunged swiftly toward the deep sea, she soon felt the sensation of suffocation. She immediately patted Jiang Ze, telling it to go up. Jiang Ze’s movements stalled for a moment, and it did not bring her up right away.
Just when Xiaoya was almost starting to suspect whether it had truly developed murderous intent—
Suddenly, she felt a cautious kiss fall on the tip of her nose, followed by the corner of her lips, then her lips themselves. It was hard to say whether it was sharing breath or kissing. But sharing breath probably wouldn’t be this intimate, this natural.
She didn’t know whether it was the lack of oxygen underwater, or being kissed until she lacked oxygen. Very quickly, her body became light, and just as Jiang Xiaoya thought her soul was leaving her body and she was seeing heaven, with a “splash,” fresh air rushed into her nose.
Their foreheads pressed together as they panted urgently, water droplets constantly falling from their hair tips.
They looked at each other under the moonlight for a while.
She said the seawater was very salty, not as clear as the lake back home.
It said naturally that it would take her back to the swamp in the future, and that the depths of the lake could also be used for snorkeling.
It had completely forgotten the hardship and pain it had gone through in washing Jiang Xiaoya when they were little.
It could be seen that love made one lose reason.
However, their lips still drew closer and closer.
───♡───
Because it had been a guardian for many years, Jiang Ze was actually a bit conservative. It liked a step-by-step approach. Every date strictly adhered to the sequence of holding hands, hugging, and kissing. When kissing her, it also liked to kiss from beginning to end. The preparatory part at the front always had to take half an hour first. And what Jiang Xiaoya liked most was breaking its order.
Just like messing up its yarn when she was little.
It thought things were progressing too fast now, and that at least a year would be needed before continuing to kiss further, to go another step beyond. So it steadily and calmly continued according to its own plan. Jiang Xiaoya ruined its plan, and it would start all over again.
That was very bad.
For a period of time, Jiang Xiaoya would feel a chill whenever she saw its long, slender fingers.
She found it hard to understand Jiang Ze’s stubbornness.
Until one day, it said: Baby, you actually still have a chance to regret this.
Only then did she finally understand why.
Little dogs are born optimistic adventurers. In her eyes, the meaning of life lay in opening her arms and embracing every novel experience. She grew up surrounded by abundant love, and naturally did not know what fear was, charging forward without hesitation.
And Jiang Ze—this guardian who was accustomed to shielding her from wind and rain—always had to consider more.
It was always worried that her passion might one day break off, and that life was long. If halfway through she no longer wanted this kind of love, then stopping while it was still light might allow them the possibility of continuing on as family.
But Jiang Xiaoya asked it a question: Jiang Ze, can you really watch me leave you?
That question stopped it cold.
The youth fell silent, looking at her with those snake-like vertical pupils.
Fine. It had to admit that it was actually that kind of ghost mother from TV—controlling, clinging tightly to her child. All of its love belonged only to her; perhaps it was not as selfless as it had imagined. After all, Jiang Ze’s nature was never that of a particularly kind monster. Maybe, one day, it would turn into a terrifying shadow, keeping her by its side forever as its well-behaved baby.
Jiang Xiaoya said that it should not deceive itself.
—Because from the moment they kissed, they could never go back to being family.
Taking fifty steps and ninety-nine steps made no essential difference.
Jiang Xiaoya felt that although her head had once been caught in a door, resulting in her not having Einstein-level intelligence when she grew up, she still possessed some wisdom about life.
It lowered its eyes. Fine, Xiaoya.
Then if one day you no longer want me—
It said softly: I also don’t know what Jiang Ze would become.
It would be best if that day never came.
Its words were like fine grains of sand, instantly swept away by the wind outside the window.
Wild winds embraced, torrential rain descended.
For the first time, she entered the swamp in the rain, carried by kisses into another world. The swamp swallowed her body from the tips of her toes; an enormous shadow devoured her—gentle yet violent. She saw the stars, and was soon dragged into the deep black swamp.
───♡───
As summer vacation was nearing its end, guests came to the seaside home.
When they were little and lived in the swamp, Jiang Xiaoya bringing people in would cause trouble for the household, so even Xiao Chan, the friend she was closest to, had never visited their home. Now that they lived by the sea, with neighbors nearby, Jiang Xiaoya could finally invite friends over as guests. Jiang Ze naturally had no objections—making more friends was always a good thing. And the little dog had a warm, outgoing personality; it hoped she could have fun with her friends, preparing afternoon tea and snacks every time.
It welcomed most guests.
Except Deng Fei.
Mm. After realizing that Jiang Xiaoya was probably not Deng Feng’s daughter, the young man’s enthusiasm reignited from the ashes. He would run to the seaside three times a week to knock on their door. Sometimes he would even ask Xiaoya’s brother to bring flowers to Xiaoya.
—The flowers, of course, were all thrown into the trash.
Actually, it wanted even more to throw Deng Fei into the sea, or to manufacture some accident so that this ignorant brat would drown in some roadside ditch.
Unfortunately, Deng Fei had gotten smarter. He knew very well that coming alone would only get him turned away by Xiaoya, so every time he dragged along Xiao Chan or a few classmates, using the name of a “friends’ gathering” as cover.
It minded this very much—but not because someone was giving her flowers. It knew that its Xiaoya was extremely likable. That she was so full of charm was not her fault; it was the fault of those mad bees and reckless butterflies.
Originally, Deng Fei had no chance chasing Jiang Xiaoya when they were little, and growing up, there was even less chance. There was no need for it to burn with jealousy.
But Jiang Xiaoya had used him to provoke it.
That then took on a completely different meaning.
Moreover, when this group of young people gathered together, there was always endless conversation. In a sense, Xiaoya, Xiao Chan, and Deng Fei could be considered childhood sweethearts. They had attended elementary school together, then middle and high school, and even university in the same city. It heard them complain together about some school bully from junior high, some annoying teacher, reminisce together about the pain and joy of military training… That was another part of Xiaoya’s life—one it had not participated in, and did not understand, as a guardian.
It had shared ninety percent of her life with her. Yet at this moment, that remaining ten percent—the part she walked through with others—it knew nothing about, unable to insert even a single sentence. After all, back then, it had been sitting in the seats of parent–teacher meetings.
It did not want to appear petty, like a jealousy-maddened husband.
So every time, it only calmly pretended to read the newspaper.
Read for a long time. What was this? It didn’t understand any of it.
It still did not know that the greatest difference between romantic love and familial love was possession and exclusivity, jealousy and greed. Accustomed to giving and providing, tending to her like nurturing a flower, it had never tried to express its possessiveness. Just like when Xiaoya, at eighteen, had been angry that it wanted to go to a dance with someone else—it could only keep a stiff face and pretend it did not care.
Because the human mothers it had learned from would not get jealous over such things.
But now, it discovered that it seemed it could express that kind of jealousy and dissatisfaction.
It made itself look breezy and unconcerned. And indeed, it managed to do so.
When Jiang Xiaoya wandered about saying goodbye to Xiao Chan, saw the guests off, and was about to go take a shower, suddenly—the youth who had been quiet for a long time moved. As she passed by, she was caught into its arms.
The tall youth enclosed her in its embrace, heavy breathing right by her ear.
It did not like letting her look at it, because that would expose the desire in its heart. But now those green eyes stared at her, pinching her chin as it kissed her. Completely unlike the intensely possessive movements was the low, pleasant voice:
