Jiang Xiaoya slipped away, her heart still thumping wildly. She quietly went to look at Jiang Ze downstairs. It felt as if she had discovered a heaven-shaking secret. She had thought it was indifferent, but it turned out it could be angry.
She pestered it. Among all the reasons it gave for refusing her, every single one was “can’t” or “won’t.”
But the one thing it never said was that it didn’t like her.
She reined in all her childish, bristling antics, like a hedgehog pulling back its spines. After that day, she no longer said those words that would stab it. She suddenly stopped being willful, and instead returned, full of sympathy, to the way they used to get along.
Those eager, probing provocations all disappeared. Now she could, just like before, run over to help it shell beans, and call it “Mom.”
As long as they could still be together year after year, the other things were not that important.
They reconciled as they never had before.
As if that really had only been a cold, a rain that would stop.
But Jiang Ze very much did not want to look into her eyes.
After she had pierced through that possessiveness, it could no longer look straight at her amber-colored eyes. That amber color was like a mirror, reflecting the cracks belonging to the identity of “mother.”
Having lived together from childhood to adulthood, it had never imagined a life apart from her, nor could it imagine her leaving to have a partner. The instant it thought of it, it felt that Jiang Xiaoya had abandoned it—she didn’t want it anymore. She was going to leave it behind.
It was originally a ferocious, terrifying monster from the marsh; by nature it was never especially gentle.
It suddenly realized that its feelings were not the same as that kind of selfless maternal love.
It only hoped that she would stay by its side forever—just it and her. At most, add Ah Hua.
But only now did it know that feeling was called possessiveness.
Jiang Xiaoya put on a horror movie. In it, after the ghost mother lost her child, whenever she saw a little baby of the same age, she would cling desperately to the child, haunting them without letting go, demanding that others stay and forever be her baby.
It looked at the back of Jiang Xiaoya’s head. It suddenly realized that its own mindset was very much like that terrifying mother in the movie, haunting people relentlessly, chasing after them, suddenly emerging gloomily from behind to say: good baby, I want you to stay by my side forever and be my good baby.
───♡───
After receiving the admission notice, they were going to Haisha City. Haisha City was in the midst of rebuilding; along the coast, that entire stretch was abandoned urban area. Because there was a very large tidal flat there, the marshes and silt made it dangerous. A vast tract of land had been left vacant. They settled down near the most dangerous tidal flat. They didn’t even need to spend money—because the seaside little building there had been occupied by water ghosts. After a simple cleanup, it became a very pretty little white house!
In the distance, seagulls cried; beneath the mud and silt, little crabs crawled back and forth. Ah Hua turned from a dairy cow into a water buffalo in the tidal flat.
In the nearby fishing village there were only two households left. The little dog enthusiastically ran over to chat with the new neighbors, and was even given a bottle of delicious seafood sauce by an auntie. Jiang Ze was a solitary swamp monster, somewhat unwilling to deal with humans. But it still went over once, and placed the jam it had brought from the marsh at the neighbor’s door.
The sea breeze blew, and you could see the sunrise. But the weather was bad, with frequent rain. In a month you could only see the sunrise once or twice. This suited a swamp monster’s survival very well.
Jiang Xiaoya saw the swamp monster staring curiously at the surging waves. When a rapid current swept in, it dove into the sea. Jiang Xiaoya thought Mom would be standing on a reef like the sea god Poseidon, watching the commotion amid the waves.
But Jiang Ze didn’t come back for a long time. Jiang Xiaoya grew anxious—had it drowned? She shouted for Jiang Ze by the shore. As she shouted, she discovered that the waves had washed up something very large, like a piece of kelp. The swamp monster slowly stood up.
It told Jiang Xiaoya that the sea was too deep; it had dived in and hadn’t been able to swim back up for a long time.
A swamp monster from a shallow lake was, of course, not used to the unfathomable depths of the sea. But it really liked going into the deep ocean, then getting washed back onto the beach by the waves like a piece of kelp. Every time the little dog saw from afar a big lump that had been washed ashore, it would worry that it had been dried to death by the sun, rush over anxiously, and try to pick it up. If it played dead for a while, it could even hear the sound of the little dog spinning around in a panic.
But after it happened many times, Jiang Xiaoya was no longer so eager to pick it up. She had heard some marketing accounts say that orcas would deliberately strand themselves on shore—whether it was true or not, she didn’t know—but the swamp monster was definitely doing it on purpose, washing itself ashore just to make her come pick it up!
She was so furious she stomped around, went home to grab a hose. The next time it played dead and got washed up, she took the hose and blasted water all over it. The swamp monster behaved itself. It got drenched like a soaked chicken. It obediently followed behind her, letting Xiaoya not be angry.
Every morning the little dog would get up very early to watch the sunrise. If, out of thirty days, it managed to wait for one, it would be so happy it turned fluffy all over.
But unfortunately, every sunrise could only be watched by Jiang Xiaoya alone.
The moment she saw the sun leap out from the horizon, she especially wanted to share that moment with Big Big Monster.
After another brilliant sunrise, she finally couldn’t help but ask it with longing:
“Jiang Ze, after the next molting period, will you be able to watch the sunrise with me?” Her amber-colored eyes were astonishingly bright. “This is my most wanted wish this year.”
She had once hoped for Jiang Ze to respond to her, to love her. But after those longings slowly settled, she realized that what she actually wanted more was to watch the sun rise and set with it, and to spend every ordinary, happy day of life together.
But when the next sunrise came, just as Jiang Xiaoya stood up from the sea breeze, she felt that a huge shadow had appeared behind her. It came out, sat down behind her, and said, “No need to wait until next year. We can do it now.”
She was just about to tell it to go back inside. But then she noticed that Jiang Ze’s tall figure was wrapped up so tightly that not a single gap showed. Long sleeves, gloves, a high-collared scarf, even a pair of sunglasses. It looked like a giant wrapped layer upon layer in fabric, silently squatting beside her.
It said that the sunrise was really beautiful.
This was the first time the swamp monster had seen such a grand sunrise. However, gradually, something even stronger seized all of its senses—
She lifted her face, and sunlight layered over her body a fluffy, soft, breathing golden trim of fuzz. She became, at that moment, a light source brighter than the sun, more dazzling than the shimmering waves.
It carefully held its breath.
Without blinking.
As if it had never seen such a bright, dazzling morning before.
───♡───
Jiang Xiaoya heard that the swamp monster’s next molting period was actually when it would truly be considered an adult. So she thought—could it be that the underage Mom was actually younger than the adult her? But as soon as she brought up this idea, she was quickly grabbed by the ear by Jiang Ze.
Jiang Ze said that when she was still drinking milk, it had already become the top predator in the marsh.
As for molting into its adult form, it didn’t have many thoughts about it. What it cared about more was whether it could control the weather, or at least create a cloud that could rain—so that it could stay by Xiaoya’s side forever.
It wanted to forget that cold; the aftereffects seemed to still be lingering. It was as if it kept thinking about words like forever, eternity.
But words like that, to begin with, carried a strong sense of possessiveness.
University—Jiang Xiaoya was still at the same school as Xiao Chan. They just weren’t in the same faculty. Jiang Xiaoya’s major was battlefield rescue. The program had many courses, and the thick volumes she had to memorize were enough to make her scalp go numb, but university life was far freer and more relaxed than high school. She didn’t really like living in the dorms or staying cooped up in the library. She preferred riding her bike back to the seaside home.
Squatting beside Jiang Ze, memorizing texts and feeling the sea breeze both became pleasant.
Jiang Ze liked moments like these as well.
Whenever she heard the bicycle’s ding-ling-ling, she would cut through the sea breeze and pounce toward it. She always carried the scent of sunlight on her.
When she ran toward it, it was as if sunlight were splashing behind her. It would always produce the illusion that this was a clear day, but upon closer look, outside the window it was drizzling endlessly.
It felt that perhaps it had been soaked too long in seawater. Or that the high salinity of the sea had damaged some part of its body. To the point that its gaze and heartbeat began slipping out of its control.
Its craftsmanship was very good now. The dresses she wanted to wear by the sea weren’t sold in the market, so it dug out magazines from before the apocalypse and cut them itself. It made clothes; she read thick professional textbooks. But Jiang Xiaoya always curled up beside it, saying its aesthetic sense was old-fashioned, picking at the little white floral dress it sewed—yet once it was finished, the little dog stopped picking at it. She loved it so much she couldn’t put it down, wearing it all day as she ran back and forth.
The youth restrained himself from looking at the vivid beauty of her when she wore the dress and flitted about. But the house was very small. Its ears could hear her laughter, the sea breeze would carry her scent, and whenever she drew close, its body would tense up reflexively. It tried hard to reduce her influence to the minimum, shifting its attention to doing something else.
For example, paying attention to a butterfly.
The butterfly landed on the top of its foot. On it was a footprint she had stepped there. Like a brand left behind. It lowered its head and tried to wipe it away, only to find that no matter what, it wouldn’t come off.
The TV signal by the sea was poor, so the house bought a radio. It began listening to some emotional advice programs, trying to understand more complex human feelings.
A seaside radio station received a call from an unfamiliar listener.
This listener said it had been very troubled lately. Because it felt that its attention toward its own child was somewhat excessive. And some time ago, the child had confessed to it. It didn’t know how to handle the situation now.
As soon as the host heard this, they immediately issued a fierce condemnation.
Hearing those words, the huge being was like a small mountain collapsing under censure. It crouched in the corner, even its shadow shrinking a little.
It said the child had been picked up by itself.
The host said they were going to call the police to arrest it.
But the host also wanted more ratings, and deliberately asked about the cause and process of the matter.
The huge being said: when it was three years old, on a rainy day, it picked up its own several-month-old baby. And became her mother.
The host said it was insane.
Right after that, another radio station also received the same call from a listener.
Host: are you female that you get to be a mother?
───♡───
After hanging up, the huge being thought: how can humans be so lacking in basic decency?
Soon, the molting period arrived. It thought that after becoming an adult form, perhaps all the problems would be resolved effortlessly.
But this molting period was somewhat grand, like a magnificent coming-of-age ceremony for humans. It would undergo changes never seen before. In order to minimize the impact, it did not return to the marsh, nor did it stay in the seaside home, but instead went out to find a completely abandoned city.
Jiang Xiaoya worried that something might happen during the time it was in deep sleep. It just so happened that not long after finishing exams, vacation was about to start, so she simply took leave early and went home. She was going to follow it along. It agreed. It only told Jiang Xiaoya that this time, the commotion might be a bit big.
But Jiang Xiaoya hadn’t thought about what “a bit big” meant. She packed a huge backpack according to her own understanding, with a tent, and even stuffed in ammunition and the medical kit issued by the school. She followed Jiang Ze away from the seaside and arrived at the center of that abandoned city, at that twenty-some-story building. During the time it went through the molting period, she would stay here. This place was far from the ground, relatively safe. It was also a high vantage point, very much in line with the little dog’s way of always observing the situation.
Jiang Ze left within the curtain of rain.
The first day of the molting period. Overcast skies, water mist spreading to the point of blotting out the sky.
Jiang Xiaoya opened the window and could barely see what was happening below. But vaguely, through the water mist, she saw an enormous black shadow. On the first day of the molting period, the swamp monster’s size had already changed. That colossal being was almost the same height as the skyscraper. The black shadow slept quietly in the fog. The curtain of rain was like a gray cocoon, wrapping the sleeping giant. The scene was bizarre, extremely terrifying.
But miraculously, once Jiang Xiaoya realized that it was Jiang Ze, she felt much more at ease.
She climbed out through the window, wandered around on the colossal body for a bit, and after confirming that the surroundings were safe, climbed back to play games, chatting endlessly on the phone with Xiao Chan, moshi moshi.
The second day. She heard the sounds of water ghosts downstairs. They surged in like a tide, but they were too tiny, completely incapable of posing any threat to the swamp monster in the fog.
Jiang Xiaoya noticed that the water ghosts’ postures were strange, as if they were paying homage.
She looked on in confusion.
But after patrolling around and finding no danger, she let it be.
It rained. She climbed out onto the rooftop, wanting to hold an umbrella over the swamp monster. But she realized the umbrella was far too tiny.
She retreated back inside.
She wondered whether it would still be able to return to its original size in the future.
The home in the marsh wouldn’t be able to fit it anymore. All the clothes and slippers at home would have to be replaced. Most importantly, Jiang Xiaoya wouldn’t be able to hold Jiang Ze’s hand anymore—she could only sit in its palm.
She tried climbing over, and indeed, she could only just sit in the center of its palm.
Her tiny self, wrapped in the giant’s hand, was very much like Thumbelina, but she felt as though she was very far away from Big Big Monster.
So she huffed and puffed, climbing over mountains and ridges to get up onto its shoulder. But after sitting there for a while, she couldn’t stand it anymore. Because it was raining on Big Big Monster’s head. She decided to go back and put on a raincoat before sitting on it again.
On the fourth day, the rain grew heavier. But what was even more troubling than the rain was the dense moisture. Her radio was completely dead, and her tablet was on the verge of being ruined from the damp. Jiang Xiaoya lay on the windowsill, studying it carefully for a long time, and discovered that the wet, water-squeezable fog—so damp it seemed you could wring water out of it—was coming from the enormous body lying dormant within the mist.
She remembered that one day, it had told her that if it could control the weather, it could stay by her side even on sunny days.
Now, it seemed to truly be fumbling toward that power—only it was far too damp. Jiang Xiaoya’s biscuits were no longer crisp.
She ran out and shouted, “Jiang Ze, Jiang Ze, my biscuits and my tablet have gotten soaked!”
The spreading moisture really did slowly dissipate.
Holding a red umbrella, wearing an oversized raincoat, she walked through the abandoned city, splashing in puddles beside the giant in the fog. She hummed a little tune, chattering endlessly to it. Lonely and full of anticipation, she waited for the giant in the mist to awaken.
That rain fell from the body of the giant in the fog, onto her.
She folded a paper rose out of damp red cardstock, sat in its palm, and tossed it downward.
The heavier the rain fell, the more roses she folded.
From the sleeping, gray giant in the fog, red roses fell rustling all over the ground.
