Jiang Xiaoya experienced the troubles of growing up. Ever since she got her period, Mom no longer allowed her to eat ice cream during it, play in the water, or wear clothes that showed her belly button—all of it strictly forbidden. She lost a lot of her freedom. When the cravings became unbearable, Jiang Xiaoya would secretly hide in a small alley far from home to sneak a bite, but every single time she was caught red-handed.

The youth sneered as he grabbed her by the ear. “Jiang Xiaoya, do you want a stomachache again?”

Tsk, so naggy—like Tang Seng reincarnated.

Even more frightening was that the swamp monster didn’t know where it learned some secret remedy, stewing that danggui soup¹Danggui soup (当归汤): A traditional Chinese medicinal soup made with danggui (Angelica sinensis), commonly used to nourish the blood and relieve menstrual pain. It has a strong herbal taste that many people find unpleasant. to regulate menstrual pain. It was super awful to drink. Every time, it would squat in front of her, vertical pupils fixed on her as it watched her drink it all down, leaving Jiang Xiaoya no chance to secretly pour it into a potted plant.

Jiang Xiaoya’s first wish upon entering girlhood: God, let me go through menopause.

When she ran, her developing chest began to hurt, and she couldn’t run as fast as last year anymore. Jiang Xiaoya felt very troubled, and started wishing again to turn into a boy.

After hearing her complaints, the youth lowered his head and looked at the little kid. Just like how, after its molting period, its Adam’s apple had become more prominent and its muscles sturdier than before, the little kid was also changing.

The youth grabbed her and took her to an underwear shop.

The first time Jiang Xiaoya wore a bra, she couldn’t reach the clasp in the back no matter what, hopping anxiously in place.

The youth wanted to go in to help, but the child had grown up—no longer appropriate—so he could only sit at the door and wait for her.

The bra Jiang Xiaoya bought didn’t fit, and she refused to tell it. She climbed up and down like a monkey. The swamp monster, of course, didn’t understand how to choose these colorful things—this wasn’t taught in class. And besides, Jiang Xiaoya’s sense of gender awareness 

was getting stronger and stronger now; if it brought it up, Jiang Xiaoya would immediately bristle.

The youth had no choice but to go back and buy one of every size for her.

On the way, Jiang Xiaoya’s complaints grew louder and louder: it would be better if she and Mommy could swap genders.

However, after some time, Jiang Xiaoya began to be glad again that she was a girl. On television she saw the base’s guard unit, with beautiful older sisters who had long legs and abdominal muscles. The puppy’s eyes were filled with longing and anticipation, as if Jiang Xiaoya had also grown taller and become one of them.

What would she become after growing up?

The puppy excitedly talked with the swamp monster about her expectations and fantasies.

The youth had never thought about this question. In its eyes, growing up probably meant year after year, continuing to guard its Xiaoya in the swamp.

She grew one centimeter taller, stretching out like a willow branch.

—That was, in its eyes, the harvest of time.

It completely ignored, and forgot, that it was actually not much different in age from Jiang Xiaoya, and was growing up just like her. After the last molting period, it didn’t even have time to examine its own changes before placing all its attention on the child.

Until one morning, amid the puppy’s exclamation, the swamp monster discovered that the webbing on its hands had disappeared, becoming a pair of hands that looked unmistakably adolescent, with long, well-defined joints. Just like gaining clear vision and clear vocal ability, this too was one of the transformations left over from the last molting period.

It moved them a bit—unprecedentedly nimble. The puppy said it could finally put gloves on for Mom. Every winter before, its fingers had webbing, and Jiang Xiaoya couldn’t buy suitable gloves. She could only watch those hands become especially cold. But the swamp monster didn’t care about that.

It was just that, without webbed fingers, cooking for Jiang Xiaoya would be a bit more convenient. And when it held a pen, its grip wouldn’t be so awkward anymore.

The youth in the mirror had sharper, more mature brows and eyes now, but there was nothing worth paying attention to. It was like a big tree gaining another ring.

It was careless and inattentive toward itself, but when it came to her growing up, it could recite everything like treasured facts.

Yet this ferocious monster never felt there was anything amiss.

As time passed, the baby fat on Jiang Xiaoya’s face slowly disappeared, and her small round face was finally no longer so plump. She ran over to ask Mom whether she was a great beauty now.

The youth squatted down and looked at her face again and again. Eyes were eyes, nose was nose.

The swamp monster bared its sharp teeth. “Mm, very pretty.”

It didn’t know how to smile in that way. But when Jiang Xiaoya smiled, she would show her front teeth, so it learned to bare its pointy teeth.

It looked a bit ferocious and frightening, but Jiang Xiaoya knew Mom was smiling.

───♡───

After entering middle school, not only was there endless homework to write, there was also constant training of the mental body. The leisure of elementary school was gone forever. Crying because she couldn’t act spoiled was already a long-ago thing; after entering puberty, Jiang Xiaoya no longer liked to act spoiled, no longer liked being treated as a little kid.

Now, if someone touched her head, the puppy would dodge away and loudly complain that if they kept touching it, she wouldn’t grow taller. She bought a bicycle and, bumping and stumbling, learned how to ride it in the swamp, so Mom wouldn’t have to take her to and from school anymore.

The swamp monster would try to put her on its shoulders. The puppy would also struggle to climb down and walk by herself. Because she was already in middle school—being carried by Mom was an embarrassing thing.

On the big monster’s shoulders, there was no longer a little monster. Because one had to take care of the little monster—of the girl’s self-esteem.

The colossal creature looked at the shadow on the ground, at the big monster’s empty shoulders, and let out a disappointed gurgle.

Every morning, the puppy rode her bicycle, ding-ling-ling, leaving the swamp like a gust of wind. The youth watched the direction she disappeared in, feeling as if his kite had flown far away.

Along with puberty came quarrels.

The swamp monster’s temper was actually not good. Before raising Jiang Xiaoya, it was irritable and ferocious, the most terrifying hunter in the swamp, the one water ghosts feared the most. In the beginning, the swamp monster was still very rough, often snarling fiercely at the child.

But when Jiang Xiaoya was little, she was very cute. The puppy would always look at it with wet, glistening eyes, and so the fierce snarls would slowly turn into a grumbling complaint.

Bit by bit, it learned patience. Like sanding down a rough grain of grit with sandpaper.

But after entering puberty, the puppy’s wet, glistening gaze disappeared. She no longer liked to act spoiled. In its place: the puppy would flick her big ears and turn her butt toward it, even maintaining that stubborn expression for days on end.

Arguments gradually became an everyday tug-of-war, with friction happening often. One was a little brat who felt she had already grown up; the other was a parent who believed she needed care, and was a bit rough. The swamp was no longer quiet, beginning to erupt into chaos.

On this year’s Winter Solstice, Jiang Xiaoya wanted to go to Xiao Chan’s house to play, but was refused by the swamp monster. Heavy snow was falling outside, and a round trip would take until night; she had had a stomachache just the day before yesterday. What was originally a very small matter ended up erupting into an unprecedented cold war at the dinner table.

This was the conflict all parents have with their children. On a heavy snow day, the little brat would only think about playing. But her mother would worry that the snow was too deep, the road too far, that she would catch cold and her stomach would hurt. One wanted to manage everything and take care of all of her; the other felt she had already grown up and wanted to leave the nest and become independent. To prove that she was independent, she began to bluster loudly and put on a show.

The puppy angrily slammed the door shut and shouted, “I’m not eating anymore!”

The youth spoke calmly. “Jiang Xiaoya, then you’d better never eat the food I make again.”

The puppy shouted, “Then I won’t eat!”

Looking at the tightly closed door, the parent let out an angry snarl. The youth’s vertical pupils contracted sharply, and a strange suffocating heaviness churned in its chest. It also didn’t understand why it was getting angry here with the little brat at home. It had not been this irritable in a very long time.

After many years, the colossal creature once again had the thought of wanting to abandon Jiang Xiaoya. The youth thought that it could be a good mother, and had tried hard to do so—this was very difficult for a monster from the swamp. It even had to start from scratch to learn how to read. Naturally, there would also be moments of discouragement, anger, and dejection. It really wanted to throw Jiang Xiaoya away.

The youth thought that it should go out to hunt water ghosts and fight for territory, rather than being stuck here for so many years for this child, arguing over matters as small as sesame seeds. It was going to leave this damned child here, leave this place, and never care about her again!

The colossal creature left that prison-like home, angrily snarling in the forest.

Let her freeze to death, starve to death—turn into a snowman in this snow!

But when the heavy snow fell, and the enraged swamp monster was about to leave the edge of the swamp, its footsteps paused again.

The colossal creature took a deep breath.

In the end, it still turned back, walking toward that small prison, lights on, as if it were about to be swallowed by the heavy snow.

Thirteen years.

How could it be thrown away?

It squatted at the doorway and quietly peeked inside, when suddenly its gaze stopped—

The puppy felt that Mom didn’t understand her. She had already made an agreement with Xiao Chan—how could she break it? She was sad for a long time, but she was really too hungry and couldn’t sleep at all. She opened the door and saw that Mom wasn’t outside, then crawled out and opened the refrigerator. But inside the refrigerator there were only leftovers frozen stiff.

The puppy was starving, and also felt wronged, thinking that she was the first pitiful puppy in the world. After looking at it, she was about to eat the leftovers.

Then the door snapped open.

The swamp monster that had been snarling in the forest, wanting to freeze Jiang Xiaoya to death, had come back. Its footsteps were heavy, its gaze terrifying.

The youth passed by her.

Silently washing vegetables, beating eggs, setting the pan and heating the oil.

Then it set the egg fried rice down in front of her.

As the puppy ate the steaming hot food, her heart turned sour.

Watching the heavy snow outside pile up on the treetops, she suddenly didn’t want to go look for Xiao Chan to play that much anymore. Actually, once an agreement was made, a phone call could postpone it. She lived so far away—Xiao Chan wouldn’t be angry. Why did she have to argue with Mom over who was right and who was wrong?

But just after she finished eating and was about to apologize to Mom—

The youth opened the door and said coldly, “Let’s go. I’ll take you.”

The puppy was stunned.

In the heavy snow, the tall swamp monster walked ahead, saying nothing and not looking like it was backing down, but its towering body blocked the wind and snow completely. When Jiang Xiaoya walked too slowly, it even turned back and snarled at her.

Jiang Xiaoya looked at the one big and one small set of footprints on the ground, and remembered that it had been a long time since she had gone for a walk with Mom and watched the snow fall together. After entering middle school, she had been so busy, so busy, always arguing with it. She hadn’t accompanied Ah Hua in a long time either—Mom even helped feed the fodder. She was always thinking about going out to play with her friends, always feeling that things outside were more important, and she hadn’t properly talked with Mom for a long time.

The puppy’s heart felt like she had eaten lemon chicken feet—sour and aching.

She grabbed the swamp monster’s long hair. “Mom, the snow is too heavy. Let’s go home.”

The youth lowered its head, and she plunged straight into the youth’s arms, breathing in that faint grassy scent, werwer-ing as she apologized to Mom, saying sorry. Saying she would never argue with it again.

Lying makes you a puppy. Because she herself was a puppy. So Jiang Xiaoya always lied.

She said she wouldn’t argue with Mom, but the next time, and the time after that, she would definitely still argue with it. Time was so long—this was surely only the beginning. Maybe she should just be thrown into the trash can after all.

It thought: to forgive this damned child just like that was far too easy.

But the snow was too heavy, and thirteen years were too heavy as well.

Let’s go. Go home.

───♡───

On New Year’s Eve, Tiandong Base set off fireworks. There was a sea of people—no way to see the fireworks in the distance at all. Jiang Xiaoya excitedly asked Mom to lift her up. The puppy watching the fireworks was so happy her eyes sparkled.

The big monster asked: Jiang Xiaoya, didn’t you say only elementary school kids can sit on Mom’s shoulders?

The little monster said: Aiya, I suddenly became smaller.

Brat.

Hehe, she was Mom’s brat.

Jiang Xiaoya hadn’t lied to her Mom. She had already figured it out—growing up, becoming an adult, didn’t necessarily mean making Mom sad or arguing with her; maybe not letting Mom show a sad expression was what being a real adult meant.

Mommy, your little brat really has grown up.

Footnotes

• 1
  Danggui soup (当归汤): A traditional Chinese medicinal soup made with danggui (Angelica sinensis), commonly used to nourish the blood and relieve menstrual pain. It has a strong herbal taste that many people find unpleasant.