The summer before starting high school, she was the same as before, following her mother out hunting. When it was hot, they would go together into the depths of the swamp, into the forest, to escape the heat.

A little dog’s thoughts are like the rain in May—impossible to fathom. She wanted to protect her mother, to become strong. She wanted to climb to the treetops to help her mother pick fruit. She wanted to run ahead of the big monster, running like an antelope. Everything, all of it, was only so her mother would see her.

However, when she climbed to the top of that big tree she could never reach in her childhood and waved toward the swamp monster, it still carried her down just like when she was little; when she ran even faster than an antelope, it only cared whether the pits under her feet would make her fall. She strained up on her toes, but it still could not see the little fang that had grown into a girl’s.

She was angry: Jiang Ze, Jiang Ze, look at me.

The little dog stuck her head out from the big monster’s arms as it was helping her peel lotus seeds. She tried to stretch her head over, lowering it to its eye level.

Look at me look at me look at me!

It saw her, told Jiang Xiaoya to go play to the side. In the evening it would take her to buy ice cream to eat.

All at once, she deflated.

Ai, why does the rain never stop! So annoying, so annoying.

She stepped on the big shadow of the swamp monster, wanting to stomp its shadow flat, stomp it round!

Her rebelliousness seemed to grow even worse. The youth did not want her to suffer too much, but in her eyes, she always felt she was being looked down on.

She would not walk away flat and meek.

She no longer wanted to be controlled, and instead wanted to control her mother. If it did not listen to her, the little dog would have endless arguments, leaving the gigantic creature helpless. Such a tiny little thing walking in front of it was enough to restrain all the thoughts and attention of this enormous being.

No wonder television always uses children to threaten parents.

She was disobedient now.

It saw on television that children in their rebellious phase could be beaten, that it would make children behave a bit better. It went out to find a wooden stick, planning to use it to beat the child. But that stick was never used. After all, its strength was too great—what if it hurt her badly?

Still, there were times when she made it angry.

The youth warned her again and again that even when hunting alone, she could not leave its line of sight. But the little dog wanted to show off her toughness; without a word, she burrowed into the ruins and ran far away. In the end, after searching for a long time, it finally found the little dog trapped in the basement of a supermarket.

She squatted there, and when she saw it, she pounced over, crying out “Mama.”

The youth picked her up and took her home with a dark face, then looked toward that wooden stick.

—It was time to teach Jiang Xiaoya a lesson.

The year before last, tugging her ear would make her listen; this year she completely refused to listen. If she wasn’t beaten, it wouldn’t do. Didn’t she always say she was an adult now? Adults had to pay the price for their mistakes.

When Jiang Xiaoya saw the stick, she bolted in a flash. It was the first time she had seen her mother angry; that icy gaze made her feel fear, and she played Qin Wang Circling the Pillar¹Qin Wang Circling the Pillar (秦王绕柱): an idiom referring to running around an obstacle to evade someone. behind the table with the youth.

The youth viciously grabbed her, catching her back like lifting a little chick. It struck her solidly twice on the calf—

She howled so loudly it shook the heavens, bawling at the top of her lungs.

The youth sat where he was, lowered his eyes to look at her. The shadow cast by his brow bones covered the ferocity at the bottom of his eyes; his pupils contracted into a thin line as he looked at her for a long while.

It finally accepted its fate.

The swamp monster looked helplessly at the little dog who thundered loudly but shed no rain.

Jiang Xiaoya was its nemesis.

It rolled up her pant leg to take a look. Her calf was clean and unmarked, not even a trace left behind.

The little dog hugged her calf and yelled at the top of her lungs, “Mom, my leg is broken!”

The youth lowered his head.

In the heavy rain outside the window, it looked seriously at the baby in its arms. The dangerous vertical pupils seemed to want to see into her heart, to see through what she truly wanted. And so she gradually stopped wailing as well, quieted down.

They looked at each other.

Why was she in such a hurry?

In such a hurry to grow up, in such a hurry to prove herself to it?

So battered. Filthy. And even had to get beaten.

But meeting its eyes, the little dog involuntarily made herself smaller.

Why?

Because she so, so wanted to tell you that she was already one meter sixty, that next year she would almost be seventeen.

She wanted to sprout, to bloom.

The little dog lifted her head and looked into the youth’s eyes once more.

I want you to look at me.

Can you see me?

The little dog’s gaze was too pitiful. Her hair was soaked through. Her face was also smeared with messy marks.

The gigantic being thus softened helplessly. It silently took a towel, and with its broad palms wiped dry the hair she had soaked outside, patient and careful, just like every time it tidied up a dirty little dog when she was small.

The rain outside the window pattered softly. Inside the room, there were only the sounds of their breathing.

Baby.

Mm?

A lifetime is still very long.

───♡───

High school required mandatory boarding. After Jiang Xiaoya received the notice, she had to pack her things and go live in the dormitory on her own. The four-person dorm was very small; its only advantage was a private bathroom. For a child who had never left home, this was a challenge. Jiang Xiaoya had heard that some people cried on the phone to home every day when they first boarded.

Fortunately, she and Xiao Chan were assigned to the same dormitory.

Jiang Xiaoya thought that perhaps separating, going to live inside the school, not seeing each other for a long time, would mean that Jiang Daya would no longer ignore the little dog’s robust height and broad shoulders! It would come to realize that she was already a mature, reliable young lady.

Maybe when she came back from school next time, she would give Jiang Daya quite a scare.

She dashed off eagerly toward her new life. For her, meeting new friends and classmates, learning new courses, and being able to sleep and chat together with her best best friend Xiao Chan were all too fresh—everything came at her in a rush. The little dog was the kind of careless little dog who, after picking up sesame seeds, would drop the watermelon.

She very quickly forgot the yearning she had felt in the summer.

She missed the youth too. Having never been away from home for so long, she called the youth every day during lunch, telling her mother about all the new things that had happened at school, chattering endlessly—once she started, she could talk for an hour, wasting a lot of her noon break.

At night, unaccustomed to the narrow bed and the bathrooms that required lining up, she would also gloomily run out to call her mother.

What she looked forward to most became holidays.

During the monthly break, she would rush home as if she had grown wings.

However, with boarding school in high school, she only came back to stay three days a month—more time apart than together.

They had just seen whether the little dog had lost weight or not, and in the blink of an eye she had to hurriedly pack up and go back to school again.

The little dog warned her mother again and again not to come visit her too often.

Because the high school was very far from the swamp—the road was long, so long that even the swamp monster had to walk for a very long time. Her schoolwork was tight; she only had a little time before evening self-study to see her mother. Each visit meant only ten-plus minutes together, and after leaving, her mother would have to walk such a long road at night again.

Once or twice was fine. If it was frequent, the little dog would worry about her mother too.

She wouldn’t let it come visit her often, yet longing still emerged quietly in the swamp while he was knitting a sweater for the little dog.

She was a troublemaker, a little devil, and also the apple of the youth’s eye.

The little dog was picky about beds; the little dog was picky about food. She couldn’t eat too much sugar or she’d get cavities. If she craved cold things during her period, she would hurt so badly she’d roll around.

Occasionally, when torrential rain fell, the swamp monster would secretly go to see her.

Afraid the child would be angry, the gigantic being would hide behind big trees or on rooftops, following her for just a short stretch of the road. Checking whether she had grown thinner, whether she was unhappy. From the small figure from behind, it was hard to tell whether she had gained or lost weight, but occasionally seeing her smile while talking with classmates would slowly soothe that anxious, tethered heart.

Only when the dormitory lights came on and night fell would it leave alone, walking a very, very long way back to that quiet prison.

With her not at home, the fierce swamp monster also didn’t like staying in the swamp. The gigantic being wandered through the ruin-like city outside, hunting water ghosts and cutting out crystal cores to accumulate strength, only finding a place to shelter from the rain and rest when calling her.

Still, it always remembered to come back and feed Ah Hua.

While scavenging in a certain abandoned city, the swamp monster found a batch of very precious flower seeds. The packaging read: Blooms even on rainy days.

Having eaten too many water ghosts, the bloody killing aura on its body grew heavier—perhaps it looked even more ferocious.

But it carefully brought the flower seeds home. The terrifying gigantic being patiently watered and fertilized them, looking forward to the day they would bloom when Xiaoya came home.

The weather gradually grew colder; autumn passed as well, and lingering outside for too long in winter made it easy not to make it back.

At home, following human instructions, it built a beautiful fireplace. It prepared lots of firewood. Because the little dog said electric heaters were never warm enough, and she wanted to do her homework beside a toasty fire.

It knitted a thick blanket for the little dog.

Longing was like knitting a sweater—balls of yarn piling up all over the floor, growing longer and longer.

In the lonely swamp, the gigantic being let out low, rumbling sighs, grumbling and murmuring, like the echo of the earth deep within the swamp.

It was saying: Xiaoya, Xiaoya, I miss you so much.

───♡───

An influenza outbreak broke out at school. A whole bunch of students caught colds.

When the little dog called, her voice was thick with nasal congestion. Winter had arrived; the wind outside was especially cold. Jiang Xiaoya told her mother that she had already gone to the infirmary and that it was fine, and reminded it that next week would be break—no matter what, it must not rush through the night road in the dead of winter.

She was afraid her mother would freeze stiff on the way.

The swamp monster flatly denied it over the phone, saying it was terribly busy—where would it find the time to run that far?

But when Jiang Xiaoya, sniffling, rushed down the long corridor into the classroom and opened her desk drawer—

Cold medicine, and apple soup in a thermos.

When she was little, the little dog used to say: an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

So every time she caught a cold, her mother would go very far to buy apples.

She hurriedly rushed out of the classroom. Heavy freezing rain was falling from the sky, so cold it made her teeth chatter. Panting, she ran to the school gate and saw that gradually receding, massive figure, disappearing into the night like a tree in the wind and rain, like a dark cloud.

“Daya, Daya, did you freeze on the way back?”

“Xiaoya isn’t at home, you have to take good care of yourself.”

On the other end of the line, it responded with distracted hmms to the little dog’s nasal-toned concern.

In the end, the nasal voice within the rain grew smaller and smaller.

“Daya, Daya, I love you so much.”

The youth fell silent.

Outside the swamp, the wind and rain grew very quiet. There was only the crackling of the flames.

Xiaoya, Xiaoya, I love you so much too.

───♡───

Tomorrow would be the holiday. Jiang Xiaoya saw a warning for a major snowstorm and warned the youth again and again not to come see her through the snow.

I’ll be home tomorrow. She comforted it like this over the phone.

But from the time she was still a baby, it had never been apart from her for so long. The baby had also caught a cold recently—it hadn’t gotten better for a whole week. Whenever it asked her, she always said she was almost done coughing, but when she hung up, she always suppressed the sound of coughing.

The television said influenza could develop into pneumonia. It wanted to go see her. That kind of worry and concern couldn’t wait until tomorrow—not a second, not even a quarter of an hour longer.

But if it went to see her, she would be angry. The child had grown up. Every time it didn’t listen to her, she would say that it didn’t respect her opinion. Then it could only go take a look quietly.

It was so fierce and terrifying, yet when facing its own baby, it was always extremely careful.

It was snowing heavily. In the snow, she hastily wrapped her scarf around her neck, but forgot to cover her ears, which were frozen bright red.

A string of little dog footprints was left behind in the snow.

She went into the infirmary and didn’t come out for a long time. Through the glass fogged with moisture, nothing could be seen.

At last, it couldn’t hold back anymore and appeared across from the infirmary, waiting for her to come out.

Impatient to know whether she was all right.

Jiang Xiaoya rubbed her reddened hands and breathed out white puffs as she came out.

She had just opened her umbrella when she lifted her head and, through the flurrying snowflakes, saw that familiar youthful figure.

Humans often use “bestial” to describe someone as vicious and ferocious. But animals are far simpler than humans, because they do not have complicated emotions and thoughts—they are natural and pure. The swamp monster was like this as well; unlike humans, it was not good at hiding its emotions.

It should have pretended it was just passing by. Or that it happened to be hunting nearby.

But in the heavy snow, the youth lowered his head. His tall figure, helpless and pitiful, said:

“Xiaoya, Mama missed you too much.”

It lowered its head, hoping the child would not be angry with it, would not argue with it.

That familiar voice fell softly by her ear, like snowflakes filling the sky.

The umbrella slipped from Jiang Xiaoya’s hand.

The flying scarf, the snow filling the air.

Right there in the heavy snow, she ran toward the youth and threw herself into its arms.

Thus, in the gentleness of the swamp, she sank—continuing to sink.

Footnotes

• 1
  Qin Wang Circling the Pillar (秦王绕柱): an idiom referring to running around an obstacle to evade someone.