Luo Yuan had picked flowers from the outer courtyard roadside, but she had never thought of picking that large cluster of red camellias inside the shengkan courtyard. In her understanding, those were favored by the clan deity; when the shinu cleaned the courtyard and offered incense, none of them ever touched that cluster of red camellias. Naturally, Luo Yuan did not dare to either—she was, in fact, a very timid person.
But on this festival marking the beginning of the new year, she had received such a flower. Her heart couldn’t help but beat quickly twice. Under the premise that the clan deity was a “god,” the appearance of this flower was so abrupt, so astonishing and moving.
She held up that flower and came before the clan deity. “Did you give this to me?”
The clan deity smiled at her and said, “Last night the wind was fierce and the snow tight. This flower blossomed facing the wind and snow, extremely beautiful. It’s a pity that without branches or leaves to shield it, it was still snapped off by the sudden wind.”
Luo Yuan was pulled by his words into that scene. Last night’s wind and snow intertwined; the clan deity viewing the flowers in the snow; seeing one blown off, so he picked it up and placed it before her.
The clan deity was a god—he would not rest even at night. Most of the time he sat quietly upon the divine platform, just like a real statue. Had he spent countless days and nights in the past like that, alone? How many years of blooming and withering had he witnessed? Just thinking of it made her feel that it must be a lonely thing. But perhaps loneliness was only a sentimental feeling of humans; maybe gods did not think so.
No matter what, at noon that day when she went out to eat, Luo Yuan especially and secretly borrowed a young girl’s phone, sat in a corner of the cafeteria, and played games for the clan deity to watch. Yes—played for the clan deity to watch. He had no interest in those romance sims, adventure management games, and so on, which young people liked, but he did quite like those simplest snake-type games.
A small little snake, from the start of the game swallowing small dots, the more it ate, the thicker and longer its body grew. However long Luo Yuan sat there playing, he could sit quietly to the side watching. Luo Yuan felt as if he seemed to be watching with relish—she didn’t know if it was her imagination.
Throughout the entire first month of the calendar year, starting from the new year, the shinu would bring jade-engraved talismans every day, requesting the clan deity to consecrate them.
Luo Yuan had seen neighbors and colleagues go to temples or Daoist monasteries to pay respects—seeking good fortune, seeking romance, seeking health, and so on, sometimes even bringing talismans back. It was said those were all consecrated. She did not know whether they were effective or not; she had not believed in such things before. But now, seeing the clan deity with her own eyes separate strands of red divine essence from his body and let them fall upon those jade plaques, she felt that these “consecrated” by the clan deity must surely have some effect.
Within the lustrous green and white jade pieces, a trace of vivid red blended in, like flowing blood.
The shinu delivered jade pieces every day and took them away every day. After the first month passed, this consecration ritual finally came to an end.
Once the first month passed, the shengkan grew quiet again. No Qin clansmen came to worship or pray; the offerings filling the shrine were removed one by one, and the shrine returned to its cold, silent state.
Luo Yuan felt that the clan deity seemed to have undergone a bit of a change… the not-so-good kind of change.
His body wrapped within the wide white robes normally would not show, but it gave the impression of being no different from an ordinary human—his limbs and torso all seemed very normal. Now, Luo Yuan felt his form had become somewhat hollow. When he floated above the ground, with his robe hems lifting slightly, it was as if there were no body beneath.
Luo Yuan thought of the clan deity’s appearance the first time she had seen him. Months had passed; she had deliberately forgotten, and now her memory was unclear—only that fearful emotion of facing something inhuman still lingered in her heart.
She observed silently. Several times she couldn’t resist wanting to pull aside the clan deity’s sleeve to see what was inside, but in the end she didn’t dare.
The questions she didn’t voice were pointed out by the shinu. She wasn’t the only one who noticed the change in the clan deity. Having served him for decades, the two elderly shinu were particularly sensitive to his condition.
“Clan deity, this time… have you entered your decline period so soon?”
“Or was there something wrong with the offerings before, causing your decline to come early this time?”
When the two shinu spoke of this, they were unusually guilt-ridden. The offering herself stood to the side listening and also began to feel guilty.
After the shinu left, the clan deity looked toward Luo Yuan, his smile gentle. “Why do you feel guilty? Guilty that I did not eat you?”
With such a reminder, Luo Yuan came back to herself—right, she really shouldn’t feel guilty for not being eaten by someone else. That sounded truly strange.
“But… if it hadn’t been me back then, if it had been another death-row convict—an evil you could absorb—you wouldn’t be suffering like this.” As Luo Yuan spoke, she began to suspect whether she had started believing in gods, practically becoming like a worshipper.
Previously, the auntie next door who believed in Buddhism was like this. She felt that everything the Buddha said was correct, everything the master at the temple said was also correct. Every day she thought about offering incense to the Buddha, often recited scriptures, and donated incense money… If she ever left this place in the future, and if circumstances allowed, Luo Yuan also wanted to offer a small statue of the clan deity, send some offerings daily, offer incense and recite scriptures—it would all be fine, just to show her sincerity.
She would have such thoughts only because she had already become a believer of the clan deity. Since she was a believer, it was understandable that she would feel this kind of guilt.
Luo Yuan silently nodded at her own thoughts, and heard the clan deity say, “I do not feel any pain.”
“Human life and death resemble the withering and flourishing of plants. Though a clan deity seems to transcend life and death, he still remains within this ceaseless cycle. Decline, slumber, revival… countless times. When it becomes a pattern, naturally there is no such thing as suffering.”
Luo Yuan still couldn’t let it go. She carefully asked him, “May I offer sacrifices to you in the future? If you don’t mind, I could give you offerings, incense candles, fresh flowers, and such.” Just like how the auntie next door invited a small statue home from the temple.
“You want to offer sacrifices to me?” The clan deity’s expression was somewhat strange.
Luo Yuan said, “Is that not allowed? Right… I’m not a member of the Qin clan, so I probably can’t worship you.” She felt a little disappointed, but she could understand. After all, he was the clan deity, not some other deity. The clan deity might be a rather special existence.
The clan deity was still looking at her with that strange gaze, as if deep in thought, watching her for a long time.
Luo Yuan: “….” Did I say something wrong?
Finally, the clan deity’s physical changes began to grow obvious. His hands would never again emerge from his sleeves. The smile on his face became increasingly stiff, like an expression painted onto him. His cheeks had grown gaunt to a frightening degree. He barely spoke anymore, sitting dried-up and motionless on the divine platform. The sense of “human” gradually withdrew from his body.
When the shinu came to offer incense, their attitude toward him was respectful yet fearful. They cautiously asked, “In another month, must we prepare the offering for you this time?”
The clan deity’s reaction was somewhat slow. He nodded and said, “You may.”
So next month, would he become like the form she first saw? Would she still be here then? Luo Yuan had just thought this when she heard the clan deity’s wooden yet gentle voice at her ear. He said, “You should leave.”
The departure she had thought about for so long was suddenly placed before her. Luo Yuan froze. She looked dazedly at the clan deity, whose frightening, hideous form was gradually surfacing, and let out a soft “mm.”
“Alright. Thank you.”
She was truly grateful to the clan deity—grateful for his protection and indulgence during this time. She was originally a death-row prisoner who was about to be executed, yet now she could live on, and perhaps even finish that one thing she had wanted to do. She was grateful for this encounter.
On her last night in the shrine, Luo Yuan folded many camellia paper flowers to offer to the clan deity. Other than those, she had nothing—she did not know what else she could use to express her gratitude.
The next day, when the shinu came to offer incense, they heard their clan deity speak: “Send her away safely.”
Send who away safely? The two elderly women’s eyes, full of confusion, were instantly overtaken by shock.
At the divine platform beside the clan deity, a young woman suddenly appeared. Her hair was black and glossy; she stood there a little unaccustomed. Meeting their widened eyes, she revealed an embarrassed smile and gave them a slight nod.
Luo Yuan had been a “ghost” for several months. Now, suddenly appearing before others and being seen, she still wasn’t quite used to it. The astonishment and shock in the two elderly women’s eyes were far too obvious—Luo Yuan even wondered if they might faint from the shock. At their age, that would truly be dangerous.
“You… you’re that offering from before? You’re still alive? How—how could it be, we never noticed… was it the clan deity…” One of the old women cried out in a lost voice. Pulled by the other old woman, she finally realized she’d lost composure. She glanced at the clan deity at the head and quickly fell silent.
“Send her safely away,” the clan deity said again.
The two shinu would never doubt or disobey the clan deity’s words. They bowed their heads and responded, then gestured for Luo Yuan to follow them. Luo Yuan suddenly felt like a fledgling bird leaving its nest—too timid to take a step. But the timidity lasted only a moment. Without hesitation, she lifted her foot and followed the two shinu.
Leaving the shrine, she turned back for one last glance. The curtain happened to fall, covering the magnificent, heavy, incense-shrouded divine platform. The figure of the clan deity sank entirely into the darkness.
She followed the two shinu in silence, just like that first day she came here. The corridor was empty, the spring wind still not very warm, and she felt a bit cold. When she followed the clan deity through this corridor, she had never felt cold.
Upon reaching the outer courtyard, the calm and composed old woman seemed unable to bear it anymore. Suddenly taking a deep breath, she clutched her chest and cried out in pain, “How could such a thing happen!”
The other old woman did not cry out in pain, but the expression with which she looked at Luo Yuan was likewise extremely complicated.
Then the courtyard suddenly fell into chaos. The old woman, whose age was advanced and who had been too severely shocked, was treated by the doctor who rushed over, yet she still insisted on getting up and personally sending Luo Yuan away.
“This is the clan deity’s command!”
With a single order from the two elderly women, a car drove into the ancestral residence. A man in a suit escorted them into the vehicle. Luo Yuan sat opposite the two old women, feeling like she was sitting on pins and needles under their gaze.
She thought the old women would interrogate her endlessly, but they didn’t. They simply stared at her with that cold, severe, hostile expression—like they were judging a piece of unqualified meat.
One after another, the red-pillared gates along the long forest road fell behind them into the dense woods as the car sped forward. When they reached the forest entrance, another vehicle was already waiting. Luo Yuan would board that car alone and leave this place far behind.
The middle-aged man inside got out to greet them. Seeing the two shinu who almost never appeared in public, he showed a flattering smile. “Shinu, everything you instructed has been done. I will be the one to send this person away from the old estate.”
The shinu responded with a cold hum, their attitude as always aloof and indifferent—toward everyone except the clan deity. As for Luo Yuan, who was about to depart, one of the shinu finally could not hold herself back. As if her lifelong faith had been defiled, she spoke in pained fury:
“You have desecrated our god!”
Luo Yuan instinctively wanted to deny it, but then, in a flash, she remembered hiding inside the clan deity’s red thread… frequently hiding behind him… tugging on his sleeves every day while eating… asking him to take her to bathe… eating his offerings and even accidentally throwing a strand of hair into his divine statue… Did these count as desecration? She had no confidence, so in the end she stayed silent.
The old woman was still gasping in grief and rage. “You despicable…!”
Even though she didn’t finish, Luo Yuan could guess that she was about to call her a despicable rat. It was fine. She was just a small person struggling to survive—mundane and mouse-like by nature—she had that much self-awareness.
But she knew the clan deity would definitely never think of her that way. The more exalted and great one was, the more equally they treated all people.
Leaning into the car, shutting the old woman’s fury outside the door, Luo Yuan tightened her grip around a small red paper packet in her hand. It was the only thing she had brought with her from here, and inside it was a single dried camellia flower.
